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I have a love/hate relationship with Masterchef (BBC1, Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays), which was back this week, for an incredible 15th season.

It’s Valentine’s Day this week, and everyone’s thoughts turn to romance – even elephants.

America, I think we all know, is a nation obsessed with firearms, from the Colt six-shooters of Western legends, to the rapid-fire semi-automatics of the Robocopped SWAT teams.

A new study has found that dog owners in the north west walk and talk more than those without while dog lovers across the country claim to walk 870 miles a year – just walking their pet.

As we hurtle, lemming-like, towards the cliff edge of Brexit, there are more and more TV programmes offering a serious analysis of how we got here.

Smokers in the north west drop enough cigarette butts to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool every year, according to new research.

Almost 100 arrests have been made in a crackdown on ‘county lines’ drug gangs in the north west.

I thought I’d have the right hump watching Danny Dyer’s Right Royal Family (BBC1, Wednesdays, 9pm). As it turns out, however, my watch and chain didn’t get in a two and eight, and by the end, I even had a smile on my boat race.

Homeowners in the region are missing out on faster internet connections – and wasting money, according to figures out today.

Apparently, Lancashire is the pothole capital of the north – the county council has to tackle 4,000 of them a month, even the ones that look like Sir Paul McCartney.

New figures reveal that car insurance costs in the region rose sharply in the last three months.

The country is in a mess at the moment – Brexit has got us all in a tizz. No one seems to know what it is, there are hard Brexits, soft Brexits, Norway++, Canada models, there is A50, the ERG and the EFTA. All the while activists on both sides put their arguments in the loudest possible voices.

I have a theory about Luther (BBC1, Tuesday-Friday, 9pm). It’s supposed to be a cop drama, right? John Luther takes on the criminals of London – playing by his own rules, but essentially a good guy.

One of the region’s top doctors is urging people to help the NHS save money and cancel their GP appointment if they can’t make it.

Lancastrians are turning their backs on one of the Red Rose county's mast famous foods this Christmas.

There are no decorations up in my house yet. No baubles on the tree, no paperchains festooning the shelves, no tinsel glinting in pine and cinnamon scented candlelight.

One in four British parents admit to spending £115 more on one child at Christmas than their other children, with more than half not seeing it as an issue, as the children themselves won’t be aware.